Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Cleo Cecilia Berwick's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 7th, 2010
2:43 pm	Mostly for me/Big Ol' Big Kid Beer/ "Fuck me up the ass with your hot, teenaged cock! " I don't know how to talk about what's been happening in my life. Big stuff. Brain changing stuff...but, you know, personal stuff. I'd like to discuss it with myself on here, but since it involves Mr. Whatley, the indecision involved makes it difficult to know anything ever. I didn't mean that in an offensive way, Mr., just a factual way. Mowpow<3mow. Been attempting solo socialness. I'm really not very good at it. There's a lack of confidence in my conversational abilities that keeps me either quiet or, well, drunk. Same stupid thing that keeps me off of internet instant messaging services. Sorry about that, everyone who tries to talk to me and I either am logged in and not nearby/asleep or I don't have much to say or know how to say it. I rely too heavily on nonsense sounds and the hope that people will understand what I mean when I say things like, "Dinggg...", or ,"Ding!", or "Mow? Mow...pow!", or "Ugggghhghgh...watery robot." There was an impromptu, very sober Ladies' Night, last night. It last about an hour and ended with what sounded like nerdy, hardcore, gay porn but was Mysterious Skin and New Super Mario Bros. It was okay. It was awkward. I did dance. Joe Cain day is next Sunday and all us Berwick sibs(hopefully) + our dad are going to be there. We'll be becoming inebriated downtown and then my dad is taking us out to dinner which is baffling and awesome at the same time. After that, I'm hoping to put together a party type situation, but that relies on a someone else to decide one way or the other on location before I start really getting excited...I'm sure it'll happen somewhere. Working tonight from 5-10 over at the Cottage Hill/Hillcrest store. If  the Saints were to win and if I had any money, I'd drive down to New Orleans to join in the festivities. Should've gone and sold plasma instead of sleeping. I have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday off. Is anywhere else hiring? I guess I should leave my room, now. Time to start the day! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 21st, 2010
1:34 pm	I wish my body didn't pump itself full of adrenaline the moment that I start having to be assertive during a confrontation. It makes it difficult. I mean, ya get all shaky and heartpoundy. It makes it so I fumble about and have trouble remembering what was said. Oh, and to add to it, if I get really mad during the conflict, I'll start crying! What is that? Does that happen to other people? I just get so pissed off that words are flying/stuttering out of my mouth without any editing from my brain and my face starts leaking. Absolutely inconvenient when it comes to arguing with someone. Gotta train up my "Keepin' Mah Cool" bone or gland or organ system. I'm off until 5PM Sunday. I don't really know what to do with this time. I have no money. One of my vehicle's wheeltirething is warped in some way that means I have to buy a new one which won't be happening any time soon. I can still get around, but not any kind of road trip distance. Options are limited. Oh, but Zach's coming down. I might say it's time for a Broke Ass Cheapo Spaghetti Ladies' Night. I want to hug you and hang out with you a whole lot...and I want a damn slumber party! Oh, and I will be at the Pancho benefit show downtown tomorrow night. So, let's say, show tomorrow and Ladies' Night Saturday. Relaxing today? Full weekend, right? Good plan. See ya then, folk. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 18th, 2010
11:25 am	In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Where the crack at?! (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 11th, 2010
9:10 pm	4 Year High School Reunion Going up to Auburn this weekend. I put it up on facebook and it seems that there's going to be an attempted mini high school reunion. I'm worried about this. I mean, I haven't seen these people since I was 15. I am not so much like I was back then. I plan on drinking heavily for at least the first night I'm there if not both. I don't know if they drink at all. I have a foul mouth. I really don't want to accidentally offend anyone with any habitual sailor speak. They've all kept in contact with each other over the last 6 years. I haven't seen ANY of them. Haven't spoken to any of them except for Hillary a couple times over the internet. It's not so much a high school reunion as it is me hanging out with a group of friends that I'm not really part of. Wasn't really ever part of. I feel like a novelty for them. But Alex will be there! We will be drunk. We will laugh. I'm confident in my ability to carry on a conversation with him. Maybe, I'm thinking about this too much. Even if it is really uncomfortable, I'll have my HubbyPie and plethora of other non-high school friends to visit. No matter what, I can rely on them to ease my anxiety and greet my vices with open arms. Okay, now I'm really going to clean this room. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 10th, 2010
12:58 pm	Definitely not Four Ecks Sunday: Cold, fruit flies in the shower. I think that they're fruit flies, anyway. Dinner: probably something made of potatoes. Not attacked by potatoes. About to fall into watering hole. Last day for that Blockbuster over at Schillinger/Cottage Hill. GJ and I are working the 2:30-9 shift and then taking Zach home. Work at noon the next day. I got my first positive corrective action (or, in other words, official compliment) yesterday. 3 years and it took another store to give me any kind of recognition and it was because I was puking all shift, but still maintaining/exceeding "Blockbuster's Standards of Customer Service and Efficiency". Oh, tequila. I need a new job...still...again....some more. Preferably,  one where I don't have to tuck in my shirt. Still sick. Feels like I'm breathing into bubbles that are inside of my head and extend down my throat. Hopefully, it'll decide that my body isn't the most happenin' scene and scoot over to another party, soon. Illness and work has made me neglect my wonderful, talking exercise platform. Not to mention the state of disarray my room is in. I'm a big slob, but my bed has been making an effort to be comfortable this last week. Oh! Also! I found the newest Mick Foley autobiography (his 3rd) and the John Belushi biography! GJ's reading Belushi first and I'm reading The Hardcore Diaries and then we're going to trade. It's like seeing an old friend for the first time in 4 or 5 years and having everything just fall back into place. That's how I feel about Mick Foley's books. Preparation for work. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 7th, 2010
11:28 pm	Who knew that watching football could be so much fun? I spent the better part of my work night watching the Alabama vs. Texas game on our little antennae TV. I've never been interested in that kind of thing. It was surprisingly engaging and I could see myself watching it more often. Damn it! Zappa's on Monday! I wish I could go. I really really really really really wish I could go. Today, I watched the episode of SNL when he was on with the slime and Don Pardo reading the lyrics off the chalkboard. Geez. Humidification time. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
2:21 pm	So, I'm sick again. Awesome, right? I don't understand how I can be constantly blowing my nose, but also have painfully dry sinuses. Luckily, GJ bought me a humidifier. Trying that out tonight. Hopefully, I'll be in top shape for tomorrow night. Tomorrow night is the Blockbuster Christmas/New Years/Opportunity To Get Drunk With Our Store Manager Party. We're having it here at our house. It's also Mexican Night. We'll have 56 tacos(hard and soft). Beef and turkey. Homemade guacamole...and tequila. I'm really looking forward to it. There'll be at least one customer showing up, too. That might be awkward. Oh well, I'll be drunk and dancing in my kitchen. It will be fun. Family News: DaMomma is going to be visiting in March or April. Holy shit, right? So, any of you folk who want to see her, clear up your spring calendars and get over here. I'll provide more complete information as I receive it. I have so much cleaning to do. I have so much money that I have to make and save. The trip up to Auburn is going to be postponed a bit. The skrilla that I was supposed to have didn't work out so much. Soon, though. I need to get away for a day or two and I have at least 4 people I have to stop by when I do visit. Work from 5-close. Sleeping with humidifier. Cleaning tomorrow day time. Crunkness tomorrow nighttime. I wonder if the Russian is going to randomly show up. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
2:40 pm	I guess 10 years would be more interesting... Yeah. The last year was good and it had some awesome moments, but they aren't really things I can or want to share with everyone. I guess you could say that this past year was personal and very domestic. (Just so you know, though, the next bit will totally disregard any kind of grammar and be mostly lists or train of thought. It's how I remember the last 10 years. Blurry and mixed up and makes me want to cry from all this nostalgia pouring out of me.) The last decade will have been the most formative in my life...probably. I mean, I went from 11 to 21. From being obsessed with an email RPG and hiding from everyone to realizing that, I don't know, my brain worked differently than most people that were around me and embracing that fact which led to my change from little, shy, scared, weird Cleo from California who eats dog food(yeah, I remember that rumor)and MUST know how to surf to a much more excitable and squeeky version of the Cleo you guys know now. But that was just 11 to 14. That's when I met Jess, Allin, Mia, WiGG Robyn and Brandon who, over the next 3 or 4 years, would change me again. Starting with that first meeting in the cafeteria with Jess (STP) all the way to me moving out of the apartment that Brandon and I shared in Auburn. The years in between: the camphouse, the Casa and Samurai Den (Mobile in general, really), skipping school those 2 or 3 times to go watch the Beatie Boys DVD at Allin's(hiding in the closet), the roof, the pool by the lake. My unfortunate circumstances which led to me not being able to finish high school. Having to move out for the first time when I was almost 16 and back and forth and up and down. All of the scary fights with people I really shouldn't have been fighting with and skeezy situations I put myself in because it was better/more fun than staying in Monroeville or Evergreen or the apartment. My first boyfriend and also the person who made me be okay with not being super happy and giggly all the time. Living with Will (serenades, chicken alfredo, midday drunken lists of racial slurs). Staying that week (April Fool's Day, tequila and Hawaiian Punch, my fucked up tongue ring) at Fuck Mountain. All the parties and all the drugs and drinking and wrecking of myself, but, I mean, that's what kids do, right? All of the pretty girls and boys in Auburn. Sitting and writing in my journal outside one of the farther out buildings on campus on my 17th birthday and being AMAZED that I was actually 17 and not 14 still. All the walking and working. 17, living in Auburn with my too smart boyfriend, working 2 jobs and still owing him money when I left. I worked so fucking much. BUT! That's how I met John David who is now my husband of 2 years this past June 26th. It's how I met all of those wonderful people. Whether, I still talk to them or not, I did then and that's what matters. They influenced me and helped me start to kind of grow up a little. AND! Because of the shit I had to go through(and put him through), I'm still meeting amazing people from up there who are going to continue to change me. Pita Pit is the first place I saw John David's mom. I think that she, John David and Ben Scarborough had come in together. But, yeah, that ended and it ended in such an ugly, clinging, loud way. The boyfriend, I mean, not the marriage. Really pathetic. I mean, you thought I was depressed when I was 15, whew! You should've seen me when I was 17! Anyway! That was just 14 till almost 18. Moved out of my Dad's(again), down to Mobile and in with Gavin and GJ for a few months until GJ and I got our own apartment on the otherside of the complex...and that's been the situation for the last 3 years, pretty much. We've moved twice and there's been big stuff to happen like Pirate Night(waking up halfway in the water and halfway on the beach with no shoes and an old black man yelling at me and Will), playing in shows and parks with Will, getting married, meeting my current fellow(2 years on New Years), waking up in a New Orleans parking garage with Rudy and an impressive hangover, Ladies' Night, Ladies' Night, Ladies' Night, my mom moving in and then running away, visiting my mom this past September in Pleasanton, CA, working at Party City, Blockbuster, Airport Video and Books-A-Million. A lot has happened in the last 3 years, but those things seem to have been more influenced by me than me influenced by them. I don't know. I'm a big kid now. I lost the point of this whole post if there ever was one. Meh. It doesn't really matter. Just cataloging and remembering with the excuse of a new year/decade. Oh, yeah. I didn't mention these guys, but they're important. Shut up. So, yeah, I've got high hopes for this next chunk of life and I'm sure some of them will pull through. New people, new places(eventually), going to school and a whole lot of stuff I don't see hurtling towards me...not literally, hopefully. Anyway, back to life as usual. Enough of this public blubberin'. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 18th, 2009
2:48 am	seriously? I'm covered in hives. All down my back and across my shoulders. They are in my armpits, above my lip and my eyebrows are swollen. I certainly hope these'll go down on their own and soon. They are fucking torture. ITCHIES!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 14th, 2009
5:14 am	Decapitated Space Fags, Possible Soul Crushing Defeat and a Shiny New Toy I now have my little brother's trumpet. I am waking up in 4 hours to start my first practice session. I played French horn for 2 years. I understand the mechanics of brass better than I could ever understand string or percussion...not to say I understand what I'm doing with this device, really, either. BUT! I have INSPIRATION! I will be Bernadette Peters...and Scott Klopfenstein. What a combo! "Sir, you are talking to a nigger!" Current Mood: mud Current Music: tonight...you beloooong...to me. Just to little old me. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 13th, 2009
7:10 am	Back When Aunt Riki was Straight It's so rare that I can have a good conversation. You know, one that keeps going even though you've both said goodbye. I just can't talk to people for that long...or at all, usually. Tonight turned out to be a better night than the day (10AM-12AM) was. I'm really glad my sweater didn't catch on fire. I just found it snuggled up to the space heater in my room. I wish I were in Auburn, tonight. I miss my HubbyPie and those folk. Maybe sometime after New Year's. The same Tom Waits song/video has been posted on my friends page twice in the last 5 days. What a coincidence. I want to go camping on Nancy Mountain in Monroeville and tell ghost stories. I want to take new friends to Kids Korner and show them the paintings that tell the story of such. I miss doing things like that. Too bad there isn't a new episode of "It's Always Sunny..." every time I wanted one, right? Arrested Development will lull me to sleep, tonight/day, then. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 6th, 2009
1:02 pm	I don't need no doctor to tear me all apart This morning has been, I don't know, interesting for my brain. I've eaten something that was pizza last night. Things are falling down with no apparent persuasion. I've laughed uncontrollably. I tried to read this fellow's post, but he said, "It was hard on him." I couldn't finish because he had said hard on. Brushing my teeth isn't working today. I think this is it. I drank a lot of whiskey last night. I had a kickass time. No one made a mess and there was no drama and Meggan Emily is fucking wonderful and I have a CD to make for a certain Ms. Amber. I kissed Michael Sheffield's teeth. I didn't mean to. I wish you'd been there. I have a sleeping PhartleFuckPhillipFace behind me. What a bum, right? I'm a jokester. I'm only awake on accident. I keep thinking "(Insert noun here), I/you like/love/scare/feel/smell/eat/drink/hug/other me/you like the real thing." I want to hang out and watch Sifl & Olie. We can eat pizza rolls and potato chips. I'll get some ginger ale. I have the show on my computer. I'm hungover and I'm going to go to Dennis' in a bit. Sunday Brunch! Champagne lunch! Current Music: Dr. Dog - From (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
2:35 pm	Phillip's house + heavy rainfall + food drunk on ribs and macaroni = best sleep ever. I'm a lucky girl. Also, I haven't drank anything alcoholic or smoked anything in the last few days. I just had a cup of coffee for the first time in months. The whole experience was just...wonderful. Coffee, Seu Jorge and a hot shower after the comfort of last night has made me not give a shit at all about my growing debt or any other nasties in the back of my mind. This house is my sanctuary, I tell you. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
12:58 pm	I go for such long periods without posting. I just really never have anything to say that I think would interest anyone...or the stuff that is interesting is super personal and I'm weird about people knowing any real things about me. So, drivel it is. I read Twilight. I read it for the same reason I'm finally(after a few failed attempts when I was younger) reading the Bible. I feel false for saying that something sucks or is awesome without actually experiencing it. So, yeah, so I could find out what the big fucking deal is(whether it's a big fucking deal because it's awesome or because it's a total shithole), I read Twilight...and I just don't give a fuck about it. It's not the worst book ever. It's not the best book ever. I don't feel like I wasted my time reading it, but I definitely didn't gain anything, either. I'm totally neutral on the subject. It was a thing to do. It was also the easiest read ever. I saw an issue of Spin with Thom Yorke on the cover. He TOTALLY looks like that mouse. Lazlo is trying to off himself via electrical cord. My y key is no longer attached to my keyboard and it seems like the g is next. I left all of my shower type products in Auburn. It's really frustrating since I had just bought them and now I'm working with travel size shampoo and conditioner supplied by Phillip. Hopefully, I'll have made enough on this check to get some more. That is, if I have enough after paying off the overdraft fees that were caused by the bank charging me for their overdraft protection. Now, I'm going to stretch some limbs and burn some muscles. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 28th, 2009
1:39 pm	why the fuck don't I have any AA batteries?! Ever?! (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 26th, 2009
11:19 pm	Mung's mom has tiny, fuzzy balls. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
1:45 am	Created by Oatmeal (Comment on this)
Monday, November 16th, 2009
2:59 pm	What a great time, I tell you. Lights Out Drunken Hide & Seek FTW...and cold beach sunset...and the shower the next day ...and 2+ minute long Jurassic Park quotes...with proper voices. I'm going to make a trip up to see those wonderful folk soon. Hopefully, it'll be for that Thanksgiving party potluck thing on the 24th. On a different note, my Wall O' Cleo hasn't had any additions in over a year. I need new pictures...of me...to hide in my room. Phillip's mom called me a bigamist...which isn't really true...I'm just an adulterer. Gonna start carrying a camera again. Work at 5...hours are picking back up again...kinda. Holidays, ya know? Geez...why do I live 4 hours away from all of them? Current Music: Os Mutantes (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 30th, 2009
1:31 pm	So, Halloween, right? I have $10. So, ya know, making a costume isn't really going so well...and I left all my fake blood in Auburn. Damn it! I don't know what's going on on Halloween, either. Parties? Mow. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
7:15 pm	"YOU CUNT SUCKER!" -John Krasinski as Burt Farlander I just watched Away We Go. I could watch it again right now. I want to go on a massive road trip with Phillip. (Comment on this)